On getting through

When the wins are small.

The last few weeks have been a lot. I don’t know about you but when things just start to overwhelm me and bring me down, any chance of being creative just goes out the window. I was hoping I was turning a corner but then today was one of those days that seemed to arrive already difficult.

The morning started with toddler tantrums - the kind that leave you exhausted before you’ve even properly woken up. There were feelings bigger than bodies, and not much room for them to land. By the time we were out the door, I already felt like I had fallen behind.

So many emotions and feelings all before 9am, and then I went to work. I showed up. I did what needed doing. I moved through the day carrying more than was visible. The mom guilt weighing me down, the worry about my babies and everything we have been through the past few weeks together, and worry for things that are so far out of my control.

And when the day ended, my list of accomplishments looked very different from what it might have a few weeks ago.

I had a shower.

I put on a load of washing.

I even put the washing away.

I tucked my babies into bed and read them stories until they fell asleep.

These are not impressive things. They won’t photograph well. They won’t become stories I tell my colleagues tomorrow when they ask me what I got up to for the evening. But today, they mattered.

When you’re coming out of a tough time, progress doesn’t look like momentum. It looks like basic care. It looks like tending to the things closest to you. It looks like doing one small task at a time.

Some days the small work is simply staying upright. Keeping things moving. Making sure everyone is fed, clothed, and held.

This was one of those days.

So I’m counting the shower. I’m counting the clean clothes. I’m counting the fact that we have so much in each other, that we are very fortunate.

And for now, I’m letting that be enough.